Art Paul Schlosser's Concert Schedule

Top Ten Reasons You May Not Want To get Married

 10. That person can really yell

9. A clean person and a messy person may disagree on the standard of clean 

8. Their snoring is loud enough to wake the neighbors

7. They only take a bath once a month or did they say once a year

6.Boy can they spend

5. 16 layers of make up is too much

4. 24/7 farts

3. Garlic and Onions on their breath

2. If they are a christian why do they cheat at cards

1. No one is romantically in love with you 

I Dreamt This Story by Art Paul Schlosser

 Did you ever have one of those strange dreams when you ate some weird food in the middle of the night because you are having trouble sleeping? Well, I did and it was this story I’m about to tell. It all took place up North somewhere but I can’t say where because it wasn’t in the dream. Once a long time ago there was a little boy about 10 or 12 or 11 who was always helping his Mother by doing errands. I don’t know where the Father was because he was not part of the dream. Well, most of the time the little boy knew where he was going and could make his way around the town but this one time his mother was going to make him this special cake which needed a special ingredient so he had to go to this other part of town and he got lost. Trying to find his way back he got more and more lost either by rides he got or trying to walk back without a compass {they didn’t have gps or cell phones in those days and even maps were rare}. So eventually he ended up in another far away town that didn’t know anything about the other town or where it was. Some Farmer and his Wife took him in and when he got older he became a great salesman who eventually had his own store. He also had a nice wife and ten kids. He knew his address and would write letters to his Mom all the Time and as time went on, he eventually figured out how far away he was and   planned to go back and visit but time kept moving on as it does. Well one day he heard about a great sale somewhere near by and I bet your thinking he got lost again? And you would be right because in his attempt to get there he took the wrong train {Yes by this time in the stories there were trains}. Somehow in his attempt to go back to where he used to live he took another wrong train and one wrong event lead to another until he ended up in the town his Mother lived in. Well instead of trying to go back he thought he might as well visit his Mother who probably was wondering when he would ever visit her. In visiting his Mother, he saved his own life perhaps or maybe didn’t have a chance to save his family because he was with his Mother for about 2 weeks when he saw the newspaper {yes by this time there were also newspapers} article about a strange fire that killed his wife and ten children so considering going back seemed strange because there would be no family to go back to. However he still had a store there and so he thought well maybe they would fine for another 2 weeks and then he would go back and visit his friends at the funeral. But life is really odd or very strange because as he planned to go back and buy a ticket to there at the railroad station the person selling tickets said there was no town there anymore because it had been wiped out by an avalanche. Yes life is really strange! You don’t know how long you will live or when you will die so I hope you do the things that touch people like love and kindness before it is too late. Oddly enough a letter lost in the mail came months later to his Mother. It was a letter his wife sent 2 days after he got lost. It said how much she really loved him and all the kind things he did for her and the family and why didn’t he ever tell her about his Mother. It had drawings of his wife and the ten kids and the town they lived in that she had made now and then while waiting for dinner to be done. It also said if she knew where he was to tell him the family misses him and are praying for him. How sad to know they were gone and the town was gone to but it was nice to know she was thinking of him and he was still alive and God had saved him and that his family was all Christian so even if they were gone they would be in heaven. Also he would be able to spend a little time with his Mother before death would take her to. It’s this kind of story that makes you really wonder why did I eat that weird food before I went back to bed and it makes you want to pray God please if I am not doing the right things in my life please help me to do better.  

Feed Me Til I Want No More by Art Paul Schlosser

You are the lasagna
The spaghetti
The pizza with double cheese and extra meat
A triple cheese burger with a double order of fries and a huge soda
You are an ice cream Sunday with extra extra fudge
And when I kiss you the taste is sweeter than a double chocolate cake
Or angel food cake with strawberries and whip cream
I want to dance in the doughnuts of your love
I want to swim in your strawberry milkshake of delight
Oh be my lemon drop with extra flavor
Be my candy bar that never ends
My mouth is drooling for your love
I am a starving man in the desert
So feed till I want no more
And I will cherish your Danish forever

Stacking the Chairs by Art Paul Schlosser

I'm stacking the chairs
Stacking the chairs
I'm stacking the chairs
Stacking the chairs

I was hoping to be rich
Hoping to be king
But that never happen yet
So this is my thing

I'm stacking the chairs
Stacking the chairs
I'm stacking the chairs
Stacking the chairs

I told my Mom
I should be President
She said But until that happens
You need a job to pay the rent

Embarrassing Moments by Art Paul Schlosser

It's another embarrassing moment
You made cookies with baking powder instead of sugar
It's another embarrassing moment
Your kid film you for youtube when you were picking your boogers
It's another embarrassing moment
You're with your boss and other people and they know you just farted in the elevator
It's another embarrassing moment
You told everyone the hippopotamus was an alligator
It's another embarrassing moment
You were caught snoring at your best friend's lecture
It's another embarrassing moment
The people in the store are smiling as they're watching you use the window as a mirror
It's another embarrassing moment
You're on the radio trying to win money and you got an easy question wrong and didn't get any
It's another embarrassing moment
You forgot to pay and the store clerk catches you eating some candy
It's another embarrassing moment
You're in church on time but you forgot to wear your pants
It's another embarrassing moment
No one has ever seen anyone dance as funny as you dance

Art Paul's Leftover Spaghetti Swiss Omelette

Say you made way to much spaghetti and it's leftover night but you don't feel like having warmed up spaghetti. So here is what I came up with that you might like to try. I take a portion of the spaghetti for one person 2 or 3 eggs and mix up the eggs and the spaghetti real good so the egg whites and yokes really mix up with the spaghetti. If you've got a blender that might do better but you don't need a blender just a bowl and a large spoon or fork. Get your good frying pan all buttered up. Yes with eggs I prefer using butter or margarine if you don't have butter. Pour the batter in to the buttered up pan at a nice flame and wait until it's ready to flip. I'm not very good at flipping the whole Omelette so I flip in fourths. Then I flip all 4 again and put a slice of Swiss cheese on each one. You could use cheddar or American but my favorite cheese is Swiss. After the cheese is melted well put one slice on the plate and build your mountain omelette. Next time I make I'll take picture.

Xmas Letter to his X

The wireless is down
The liquor store is closed
It's Christmas eve
There's nowhere to go
I'm homeless and sad
With nothing to eat
All my friends have left town
And the place is empty streets
It's 20 below zero
I'm reading your card
I'm trying to understand
But I'm finding it hard
You said you never loved me
It was all just a game
I don't know what is worse
Freezing or this broken heart pain
You said will always be friends
But I wonder if I can
Ever be friends with someone
Who betrayed me when I trusted them
The clouds are dark
It looks like more snow
I'm walking in the all night grocery store
Just to get out of the cold
I would say I was depressed
I would say I was angry
But it's beyond all that
And there's no word to describe the feelings inside me
It's like Jesus on the cross
Your words are killing me
And I wish I never met you
Cause before I was happy
All the Christmas songs
Only make it worse
It's like they're laughing at me
And that just makes me curse
I will not have
A merry little Christmas
But rather sad
I will have a very little Christmas
And it may be years
Before I laugh again
Thank you so much
My dear unfaithful friend

Hammy Egg Salad on Rye

I make the egg salad the way I normally do just hard boiled eggs and mayo or miracle whip mix it up and thinly cut pieces of ham now if your vegetarian you might want to add mushrooms instead but it might not taste the same or how about broccoli? The you toast your rye bread and spread your your hammy Egg salad and you have a nice sandwich

How to be Mature by Art Paul Schlosser

Did you ever think or feel that we were all both normal and crazy ? That any minute some one you think is normal could turn into the craziest person in the world ? You, your sister or brother or a friend could be dynamite about to explode any minute. It all depends on what is causing you to keep going. Your desires get you to do things both good and bad. That is why we need a relationship with God. Because without God we do and think and act like an animal sometimes especially when it comes to food,Alcohol or drugs,sex,and keeping warm.God gives us the desire to be more mature and not fight for things we need or don’t need.God gives us the wisdom to trust him for those things we really need and the generosity to share those things when we get them.If you need God you just ask him to come in your heart. Tell him your sorry for anything you did in the past and pray that he will give you wisdom to be more mature in the future. By praying this you are repenting from acting selfish and you are telling God  you will act like God who is Love. So to know how to act like God you should read 1st Corinthians chapter 13 or read any of the Gospels because Jesus was God in the flesh. That is what Emmanuel (or Immanuel) means God with us. But you say isn’t Jesus only the Son of God ? Actually Jesus is both God’s only begotten son (John 3:16) and God (John 1 verses 1 & 18 and Philippians 2 verse 5-10).You see God is very hard to understand because God is God the Father and God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and though he is 3 he is one at the same time. I know that is very hard to understand but if you will ask God in your heart and read the Bible and follow his example of love in time whether you believe God is who he is or not, he will make you a more mature person. If everyone would; the fighting, the murder,the lies, the wars, the robberies  would all end and there would be world peace. Well maybe that’s not going to happen because some people don’t want to become mature because they are running their own life and they will do it their way. Well you don’t have to be like them. You can choose to follow God. I hope you will and I hope to one day see you in Heaven.

Brain Storm By: Art Paul Schlosser

We need to brainstorm

So we all can be warm

So there is enough food

For every girl and dude

We need ideas to change the world

We need business heroes 

That will come up with jobs for the jobless

We need plans so all can be blessed 

We need to brainstorm now

Don't wait for it to be done by a cow

I mean how much starving are you willing to allow ?

Everybody's Doing It by Art Paul Schlosser

Everybody’s doing it so why did you quit
Don’t you want to sit where the other people sit
Don’t you want to be just like the other people are 
Don’t you want to be another compromising star

Everybody’s doing it yeah that makes it right
So you can justify stabbing somebody with a knife
And when they say hey that’s immoral
You can say no your just being normal

Everybody’s doing it so why are you afraid
Don’t you know complacency is the Devil’s way
Don’t say a word you might be heard
And someone might label you a prophet or seer

Everybody’s doing it so join the parade
Go ahead get arrested or end up with aids
You do a lot of drugs well you’ll be addicted
If everybody’s stupid well you got to be stupid

Everybody’s doing it so why did you quit
Don’t you want to sit where the other people sit
Don’t you want to be just like the other people are 
Don’t you want to be another compromising star

Let's Pretend We Are In An Old Time Movie By: Art Paul Schlosser

Let's tap dance tonight
At the old ballroom by the chandelier light
The Ghost of Fred Astaire
might even be there
Dancing with Ginger Rogers in a top hat and suit of white

Let's pretend we are in an old time movie
Listening to ballroom music that is soothing
We'll forget about our troubles 
Imagine Lawrence Welk's bubbles
All the while we'll give the blues a Bruising

Let's Tap dance in the music of love
Like two old fashion loving turtle doves 
We'll float in a romantic setting
All regrets we'll be forgetting
We wake up in a romance that will wash away the dirty suds

Ode To Friendship by Art Paul Schlosser

I no longer regret
The times that we have met
The dinners that we have dined
The grand celestral times

Too quickly we forget
The sunrises and sunsets
The smiles and the pretty sounds
Too many people want to frown

I no longer resign myself
To depressing feelings felt
We may have never kissed
But our friendship was bliss

To Robert Who I met at LukeHouse by Art Paul Schlosser

1. To Robert 

the guy with the smile

Cheering people up everyday

You’ve really got style

2. You donate your time

Doing hard work everyday

You never complain

But instead you always have something cheerful to say

3. This world needs more Roberts

Always with a hand to shake

With a love for everyone

Sincere and not fake

What really Bothers me by Art Paul Schlosser

Do you know what really bothers me ?

People not wanting to be friendly

Just because I’m a little different than them

They block my poetry gem

Or what is worse 

It really hurts

Someone telling me what to do

But not wanting to talk to me too

You thought I should tie my shoe

But the moment I thought you were cool

Someone I could talk to

You said no not you

So I got mad

Because you made me sad

I could apologize for my anger

But you won’t apologize for your unfriendly behavior

So it’s clear

You’re really not hear

So please don’t bother me in the future

Until you can open up your door

And accept someone even if they are a little stranger

I Just Want To Stay In Bed by Art Paul Schlosser

I just want to stay in bed
And act like I'm dead
I just want to stay in bed

I don't want to go to work
The boss will think I'm a jerk
But I don't want to go to work

I just want to stay in bed
put all the covers over my head
I just want to stay in bed

I just want to sleep all day
Send all my troubles away
I just want to sleep all day

I don't want to do nothing but lay here
listen to sad music and cry tears 
I don't want to do nothing but lay here

Martians For The Wisconsin Badgers by Art Paul #martians